Finding Alignment – and Facing Friction

There’s something powerful about finding people who share your passion, ambition, and drive. It fuels momentum. It renews belief in the mission. At the same time, anyone who’s led change knows that disappointment is inevitable, not because the mission isn’t worthy – but because people don’t always align.

Whether it’s lack of punctuality, scattered communication, or passive resistance dressed up as “just not my thing,” the gap between commitment and execution is where most change efforts stall. As a nonprofit leader and business owner, I’ve learned this truth: it’s not the mission that fails – it’s the mindset.

Leading in a Doom Mindset: Healthy Cynicism or Burnout Spiral?

Recently, I found myself coining a term with a colleague: the doom mindset. It’s a flavor of leadership realism shaped by special education, trauma-informed work, disability justice, and political fatigue. You assume failure, not because you’re a pessimist, but because you’re a planner.

This isn’t just cynicism for cynicism’s sake. It’s strategic.

“Optimism is believing the best will happen. Cynicism is preparing when it doesn’t.”
– Me, and probably your best coach

Psychologist Julie Norem describes this approach as defensive pessimism, a strategy in which high achievers visualize worst-case outcomes in order to prepare more thoroughly and reduce anxiety. It’s not about expecting failure – it’s about planning for resilience. Her research has shown that individuals who practice defensive pessimism often perform just as well as, or better than, optimists, particularly in high-stakes or emotionally taxing environments.

“Defensive pessimists aren’t trying to be negative. They’re trying to be prepared.”
– Julie Norem, Ph.D.

When People Are the Problem (and the Solution)

Let’s be honest. Getting stuff done would be easier if it weren’t for other people. But people are the work. As leaders, we mobilize humans with diverse skill sets, varying motivations, and wildly different comfort levels with structure and accountability. That’s both the challenge and the magic. It’s just hard to get shit done. The question is, how do we get it done regardless of other people?

Here’s where I draw a firm line: individuals unwilling to be held accountable have no place in my work. This doesn’t mean perfection – it means shared responsibility. The goal is not to replace people who lack certain skills, but to build systems that develop them. That takes time, intention, and emotional labor many don’t want to put in; it’s the work. 

Change Requires Flexibility – But Also Boundaries

Working in special education taught me to plan – and then flex. Coaching taught me to account for every detail, but to know the game might still change mid-play. Running a business and nonprofit? Same lesson. The more I plan for every possible outcome, the more I protect the people I serve, the staff I mentor, and yes, myself.

This isn’t paranoia. It’s ethical leadership.

Change management frameworks like Kotter’s 8-Step Model emphasize creating urgency and building coalitions, while Prosci’s ADKAR model outlines the importance of reinforcing change through awareness, desire, knowledge, ability, and reinforcement. Yet both often underplay the emotional complexity of real leadership, especially when urgency is one-sided and accountability isn’t shared. 

The Coexistence of Optimism and Cynicism

Despite the doom mindset, I’m not without hope. I believe optimism and cynicism can (and must) coexist. You can be exhausted and still inspired. You can be deeply disappointed and still deeply committed. What you can’t be is passive.

Effective leadership isn’t idealistic – it’s adaptive. It learns, adjusts, restructures, and redirects as needed. The co-occurrence of optimism and cynicism can exist, be profitable and productive, and lend to efficiency.

Takeaways for Mission-Driven Change Makers

Just because something has always been done one way, doesn’t mean it should stay that way. Here’s what I’ve come to believe:

• Cynicism can be healthy – if it prompts preparation, not paralysis.
  
• Optimism is required – not as hope, but as motivation to keep trying.
  
• Accountability is non-negotiable – especially in people-first work.
  
• Mission doesn’t excuse mess – structure and timelines are necessary.

Your Turn

Mission-driven change isn’t magic. It’s management. It’s mindset (and it’s work). This is not about fixing people, rather it’s creating conditions where people can thrive. So whether you’re leading something big or dreaming up something bold, consider this your audit moment:

• Are you holding people to a standard they agreed to – or one they never understood?
• Are your systems structured to develop skills or just weed out those who struggle?
• Are you ready to navigate both success and failure with intention?

If your answer is “I’m not sure,” then start here, with clarity and accountability. Start with the messy middle and stay in it long enough to build something that lasts. 

Works Cited

Norem, J. (2001). The Positive Power of Negative Thinking: Using Defensive Pessimism to Harness Anxiety and Perform at Your Peak. Basic Books.

Kotter, J. P. (1996). Leading Change. Harvard Business School Press.
planning.

Prosci. (n.d.). The Prosci ADKAR® Model: A Goal-Oriented Change Management Model. Retrieved from https://www.prosci.com/methodology/adkar